FINAL WARNING!!! THE PICTURES BELOW ARE GRAPHIC!! There is some blood and a teeny tiny baby whose spirit is gone to be with Jesus.
Checking out my little boy! Pure Beauty.
Wonder. The What if's? Dreams of a future that won't be, broken. So much happening so quickly!
A smile from this Mama. Even in such great loss, there is complete AWE at how perfect a Creator our God is!
Some tears too! (LOTS of tears!) Oh, this was just so difficult. Saying "hello" and "goodbye" all in one day.
When looking back at this picture, I realized I have my hand on my chest just like he did. Maybe just to keep my heart from jumping out of me.
Soaking him in. Memorizing this little body before it's taken away forever.
W and his son. Oh, there is nothing that is sweeter than a Daddy and his baby.
MOST GRAPHIC PICTURES ARE BELOW!! (Close-up of Baby)
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:13-16
This is the complete perfection of what some people call an embryo or fetus (depending on how you date). This, my friends, is a BABY!
His ears were so perfect on the side of his head. Even his nose and mouth were adorable! (Brings a smile to my face to type that!) His left arm is lying across his chest (you could see his collar bones) and his right arm is down by his side. The belly is still see-through. Look at all those beautiful organs in there! On top of his belly is an intricate little pile of umbilical cord. It looks like a little rope wound tight. Amazed that little cord nourished and kept this little one alive as long as it did. And those legs, oh those skinny little legs. I love them. I love the fact that just 3 hours before his birth/death I saw them kicking around in my belly on the ultrasound screen! He was so active and ready to run. I suppose he got to skip right past this whole Earth mess, and use those legs for dancing with his Jesus. And how do I know this is a little boy?! Well, you see that little white line between those adorable legs? Yup, that's the little penis poking right up! BOYS! hehe
As I looked through these, the first word that came to mind and straight out my mouth was "BLESSED!" Oh, we are so blessed. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to meet this baby! So happy that I got to hold him and love him. I'm so excited for the ways he is changing my life and helping me see Jesus more and more! I'm thrilled my kids have a baby brother that they talk about and look forward to seeing in Heaven one day. I have a new appreciate for my life and the beauty in the everyday. I am thankful to be alive and here for my other 4 baby's.
We love you so much sweet boy, and are so blessed that you came into our lives. You are missed and we look forward to meeting you again one day. We will run and play together (and maybe we will have a name for you by then- but my guess is, Jesus already has the most perfect name for you that's far better than one we could ever come up with :-)
Oh, Jesus, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
"Your word, O Lord, is eternal;
it stands firm in the heavens.
Your faithfulness continues through all generations;
you established the earth, and it endures.
Your laws endure to this day,
for all things serve you.
If your law had not been my delight,
I would have perished in my affliction.
I will never forget your precepts,
for by them you have saved my life.
Save me, for I am yours;
I have sought out your precepts."
Psalm 119:89-94
"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations."
Psalm 100
6 comments:
Erin, as a friend, multiple mom, one who was there during your pregnancy with "Goldfish", but most astounded-an ultrasound tech, I can honestly say I have never seen anything so moving-ever! Some of these images I saw when you posted shortly after his birth/death, but the up-close ones are so beautifully amazing! I am educated. I know the dates when certain things appear, body metamorphosis happens, etc, in utero, but I have never been able to truly "see" it.
You have opened my eyes to something I don't think I will EVER forget.
He is a beautiful angel and I am proud to say that I know his amazing parents and siblings. I can only hope one day I can, also, see him, and tell him from an outsiders view, how much he is loved. <3
Erin, I'm so happy that you shared your story and pictures of your precious Baby Boy.
What an impact your story can have and is already having on others.
I was blessed and brought to tears when reading.
Autumn asked me if I was crying about it, I was able to share with her how so many people refer to an unborn baby as a fetus.
I showed her the pictures and she said, " those legs, they're so tiny" she also said she could see that he was going to resemble your other children.
She was really amazed.
You all are still in our prayers,
Hi Erin,
I don't know you personally...but learned of your blog and pictures through Pastor Youngblood. We lost 3 children to miscarriage all before 10 weeks over 25 years ago. We never got to see them or know their sex and I'm so glad that you all had the opportunity to do that...to hold him and grieve. Although we are blessed with 3 grown sons, I still miss my other children and wonder who and what they would have been. I trust God's perfect will and am thankful that He saw us through our pain as I know He will continue to do with you.
Blessings,
Gail Farmer
Erin, we think about you everyday. Words cannot express our love for you, Wes, and each one of your babies.. It amazes me to see God continually move in your life and heart.. I have to catch my breath sometimes when I consider what it took for you to meet your baby.. what it takes to live with and share your brokenness, grief, thirst, quenching, praise, and your MOTHERLOVE for this sweet sweet boy. We love you, little one... Infinite, Creator God, continue to hold my dear sister Erin in your arms and reveal Yourself that she may know You ever more deeply, fully, wildly, as You call. I love you, Erin! All Ways, Andrea
What sacred moments we are given ... in birth, and in death ... never to be forgotten, forever golden, forever changed. We share in the bruising that Jesus endured for us, surpassed by the miracle of His love for His enemies, for us. May God uphold and heal your hearts, and be the balm that comforts you, beyond words. Thank you for sharing, and for the privilege of our reading. A friend of TMCC who has since moved away.
These photo's are beautiful! I lost a beautiful baby boy in 1985, at 14 to 16 weeks (it has been a long time, & I don't remember exactly--I just remember it was between 3 mo. and 4 mo.) I only wish we would have had photo's of our son. We discussed with the nurses about how, "the world" would not have considered him to be a baby, and it would be "okay" to go in and say, "I don't want to carry this "fetus"--get rid of it. No reason or explanation--just because! We later had 2 more live births, giving us 5 children to love on, but we always remember, the son we lost, who we named Theophilus meaning "Loved by God". All of our children have T names and Theophilus is one we considered, but then changed our minds after someone mentioned that someone had said, "the awfullest child..." but when we found out the meaning, we decided it was great, because Theo was loved by God and nobody would ever be able to make fun of his name...I just realized--Theo would now be 27 yrs. old!
Vicki
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